i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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