Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
