I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
