this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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