Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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