I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
