i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
