No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
