Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
