it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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