I skipped work to stalk him.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
