My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
