okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So much rum. So many feels.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
