I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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