community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize