and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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