I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
