Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
