this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
