update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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