Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
