went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize