You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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