we have officially lost it.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
