May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
