they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
