My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
