go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
