I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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