CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
