I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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