Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
