i just google imaged poop.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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