bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You are the jesus of drinking
Can't talk, ducks in the car
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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