I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
