capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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