tell your sister to shave her snatch
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
