He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
