Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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