The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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