singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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