I feel great
I just peed on a car
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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