yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i love accidental penises.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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