White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
