oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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