this just has baby written all over it
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
