today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just had sex on a roof
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
