I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
