Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize