hotel room ftw
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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