I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize