Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
bring money and cleavage
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize