Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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