good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
