The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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