I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
