i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
