Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wish you could order shots online.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize