I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize