I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize