I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you would pick up someone in the library
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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