Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
