I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
