I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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