hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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