Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize