I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
