sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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