haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize